From "No Strings Attached" to "Mind the Gossips"

“You don’t owe anyone anything” and “What will people think?” are two extreme ideologies that govern the decisions people make, and I’m here to find a middle ground.

As human beings, we are social animals and we need the community to function. If we all live by the philosophy that we owe no one anything, then we can as well go back to the time before the state was created and everyone did as they liked, and maybe we will understand practically what Thomas Hobbes meant when he said the state of nature was solitary, poor, nasty, brutish and short.

I’m sure when we have ever said those words we didn’t see it as a big issue or a problem at all, but most of the issues we have as a nation or community stem from living by that ideology in the first place. The only reason a person will play loud music into the night despite knowing it disturbs others is because he doesn’t feel a need to consider how his actions affect others. The only reason why a person will choose to litter public spaces stems from the belief that they don’t owe anything to the community.

While living by this ideology has brought insecurity, corruption and greediness mostly in African nations, it has also affected the sanity of Western society leading to moral degradation and decadence (I believe I don’t need to explain what I mean by this, res ipsa loquitur).

But yeah, with this ideology we have raised and we are raising a younger generation to believe that they can do anything they want, anyhow they want it without considering the effect that it will have on others. I don’t know about you, but seeing bratty children raises my anger level. 

There is one extreme ideology. 

The second extreme ideology is when everything you do is based on the opinions others will have concerning it. We have our African parents to blame for this. 

The somewhat annoying thing is that, that particular thing may not be an issue, but because they have probably condemned others for doing it and now their child is doing the exact thing or they think themselves to be held in high esteem and they do not want people to think any lower.

The consequence of this extreme is that they either raise children who cannot do things that they love freely because of what others will think or say, or they raise children who do not give two cents what others think and live life just for them, thereby living by the other extreme. A lose-lose situation.

Here is my verdict, to have a sane society, you owe people a lot of things. You owe them decency, you owe them respect and dignity, you owe them civility and you owe them responsibility for your actions among other things. But what you do not owe them is control of your life. You don’t need to hand them the reins of your life, you need to live your life, and not the one others want you to live.

And, if the decision you take will hurt no one in the short and long run, then I don’t see why that should be anybody’s business. I have promised myself not to live my life based on what people feel or think. That is too great a control to give to people who are not contributing to your life if you ask me.

This is the middle ground on which I stand.

I would love to hear what you guys think about this. If you have dissenting views I would also love to understand your thought process.

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